13. Homebound Again??

 I have mixed emotions about my departure. I believe I originally checked into Newport Hospital on April 14th. Since that i have kind of been hospital hopping. It has been a long time and I have missed a lot. I have missed being able to wean my last baby at leisure and watch her thrive, I have missed some major potty training accomplishments with my son. I missed my daughter's spelling bee and school carnival. Missed most of the apple blossoms blooming on the tree in the back yard and the Lilly's in the front. I missed opening day at the pool and the memorial day parade. I even missed being voted in as PTO president (but they graciously held my spot :).
    I've missed a lot, but this is my SAFE spot, my spot of healing. The staff are so nice here. Mainly because they have to be, but also because they love their jobs. Even if they have to wake me at 4am for blood draws or vital signs its with a please and a thank you and "can I get you anything"? Theres also the comfort of the "team" checking in on me daily to monitor my progress and answer any new questions. Then theres the dreaded ultra happy physical therapy team I hear seeking me out,, with their super high energy and big smiles coming to make me work. Funny, years ago I would run my cross country and stadium courses a half dozen times before I actually rode them, just to make sure I got the pattern down. Now my one token walk around the nurse's stand with a physical therapist by my side to keep me from listing right and Al following with the wheel chair in case I need a break warrants a big "Whoo Hoo", but it still feels good. There are my 3 happy places im allowed to go. One is to the fishtank at the end of the hall. It has a super creepy eel, a fish with THE whitest mouth you have ever seen and other beautiful soothing tropical fish. Im also allowed out to the healing garden. Its also a short walk and one floor down. Outside, ln the 7th floor roooftop of the cancer center, they put ina healing garden. It has flowering shrubs and trees, pathways, benches, architectual elements, a babbling brook and even a reflection pool area. Our last fun space to visit, which im not sure im supposed to even go that far but no one has stopped us, is the lookout over the lifestar pad from the 15th floor. We actually have the perfecct room on the 8th whereas we can see them come in and land right on our roof (im sure by now you've seen at least one of our fb posts).
   I think the thing I will miss most, that im actually bringing home with me but have to set free once home, is my husband. He has put his life 100% on hold to make sure I can hold on to whats left of mine. He has been here the whole time, not even making one trip home. He sleeps on a cot next to my bed. If I have a lazy day, he just hangs in and sits with me contently for hours. He leaves my side for minutes at a time, usually to get me 'must haves' like a journal, and the perfect pen to inspire me to write, and the not-to-light not-too-dark colour of nail polish, or the pizza and salad at 9pm after all the cafeterias close. He did great on all of those, btw. He also walks me to the bathroom all hours of the night, showers me, dresses me, feeds me (making sure all the food I can't feel on the right side of my face is cleaned up). He sits through all my procedures, even somehow being let into the MRI scan room to rub my toes and keep my restless legs at bay during the whole multi hour scan. I honestly dont know another person in the world that would, or should give up so much for someone else. So, when anyone asks where all my strength comes from, im probably falsely answering. My hope is to get home and progressively better so he doesnt have to watch me slide down this sink whole repeatedly.
      Im trying not to get my hopes up too high. We still have to hope for normal white cell counts and normal fibrinogen levels, and the lab schedule, and smooth recovery from my last Plasma Transfer. So, still a lot pending before I can get discharged and a long sleepness night ahead of me. A good night for all my meds, pull the clock from the wall and put the phone under the bed .
   And.......prayers!