Ive been tip toeing for about 5 days now, as my symptoms have slowly gotten worse. I ended yesterday with numbness in my whole lower jaw, tightness in my throat, weakness in my legs and a fever. I was starting to regain my beloved lack of coordination as well. I called the doctor, as you may have read, on Wednesday just to check in. That's when the nurse ordered me in for an MRI. Later that day I started to get pressure in my soft palette and I thought maybe it was sinus related. So, I started taking my antibiotics again. I waited until noon today without hearing anything from the doctor. I couldn't wait a minute longer. So, I paged the MS doctor on call. Luckily she was the one that ordered the MRI. So, she not only wasn't bothered by me calling on a Saturday but also admitted she should have followed up sooner. Within 15 minutes, she read my MRI, compared it to my previous(6 or so) scans and called me back. My MRI was 100% stable. Whewwww. No new lesions. No white matter turning to mush in my brain. No reason to panic. So, it must be a cold, or infection elsewhere. Music to my ears. As you can imagine, all sorts of things were turning through my head. On the forefront....another stay at Yale. I love that place and all, but I would prefer(and so would my kids) for me to be home.
Today, and for the next few days, I am challenging myself. My husband is away for four days. I will take on the household and kids on my own. Since my diagnosis, I have done this for a day at a time, but never this long of a stretch. Its one of the very few times I am thankful I no longer live on a farm or have a demanding job (well, besides the kids....they are pretty demanding). I don't know that I made the right decision, for Im not feeling great, but Im going to do it!
My husband and I are challenged daily with the kids lately. I think they are all at a tough age. The oldest(10) is testing our authority and trying to exert her independence. Our son(3) either has the terrible twos a little late or middle child syndrome is kicking in. Our youngest(18mos) is a peach. Really, she is lovely. She is no longer in the "baby stage" though and you cant just put her down somewhere and expect her to stay... to the contrary! She is everywhere, all the time. No one told us how tough three kids would be. OK, maybe they did, but we were smarter, or more capable than them, so we thought. With three, you are outnumbered, there isn't enough space in the car to separate them effectively, you only have two arms, there are one too few legs on a chicken, etc... You are met with challenges absolutely everywhere. When you have three, you might as well have 4 or 5. Luckily for this MS and my Tysabri, we cant have more, because we would. We just love kids....I guess its a sick, twisted love because they make us utterly crazy!
Take tonight, for instance. I decide to reward myself for making it through a long, tiring day with the kids. So, my parents and I pack up and head to a concert on the beach where we live. Now, my son hasn't napped today so I know his behavior is going to be bad. I expect it. I counter approach it by having an extra glass of wine. As predicted, half way through dinner, despite our endless efforts, he throws sand in the French fries. Ha...I expected that. No biggie tonight. After a while of visiting and playing, he sneaks up behind me and dumps a cup of sand over my head. I did not expect that. So, then, right on the spot, "called" the night. Done. Kids...
While I was there, an old friend(of sorts) came up to me to say HI. In conversation, he says "You aren't at the vineyard anymore....So, where are you now?"... Really? He doesn't know? He can't tell? I figure if he doesn't know about my MS by now, the months I wasn't around, if he cant tell, than why SHOULD he. I reply "At home, with my three kids". He says "Well, you look really happy".
Thanks, I am :)
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