To those of you that wonder...

  
  Since I have come home with my service dog, I am amazed by the amount of people that ask about her and what she does.  I'm also amazed by how many of these people know me.  This makes me realize just how many people don't know me.  They aren't on facebook(www.facebook.com/mybeautifullifewithms), or don't read my blog (www.mybeautifullifewithms.com) or haven't seen me in a while and don't know about my illness.  So, to everyone out there that wonders...this blog is for you.  If you know someone that has asked about my dog or me, you may forward this along to them.
    I was diagnosed with Muscular Sclerosis last May.   MS is a disease that affects your nerves.  It can cause lesions on your brain, spinal cord and optic nerves.  Unfortunately, my lesions spread through all of those.   It took a way a large chunk of my summer... and my life.  I was in and out of hospitals.  I lost the ability to walk, use my arms, etc.  I lost sight in one eye.  I developed a lesion on my cerebellum that affects my balance.  MS is a progressive disease with no known cure, only ways to slow it down and prevent new lesions from forming.  I was put on the strongest and most effective MS treatment on the market.  It was/is by best chance at warding off the possibility of new symptoms and lesions.  My most worrisome lesion is at the base of my brain and involves my spinal cord.  If that lesion acts up or worsens - I could lose function of everything below that point.  The medication, Tysabri, comes with its own major risks.  After months of doctors, hospitals, visiting nurses, occupational and physical therapy, etc.. the benefits outweighed the risks (The main risk being non-curable brain disease, PMI (YAY)).  I get my Tysabri infusion every 4 weeks, non post-changeable, non-negotiable.  So far, it has been effective.
     My MS has left me with symptoms that affect me at all times.  I still have no sight in one eye which leaves me with no depth perception.  I cannot see differentiation in terrain (bumps, lines, stairs, etc..).  Hand eye coordination is a thing of the past..so are 3D movies.  Most annoyingly, I go to grab something or put something down and its not where I think it is.  So, I often appear clumsy.  My balance is terrible, also making me appear clumsy.  I cannot look up above my head without completely losing balance.  Oh, and try bending over to grab something you dropped, especially with a child in one arm, with bad balance.  Not easy!  The right side of my face, cheek and tongue are constant pins and needles (like a cactus tucked between your teeth and gums).  My tongue fights me when eating and talking.  These pins and needles and tightness extend across my neck and chest.  My shoulders and upper back are always uncomfortable and tight.  Along with many other less severe physical symptoms, anxiety and depression run rampant in MS patients.
   My service dog, Crane, takes over in all these areas that I fall short.  She is my right eye, my depth perception, my balance and my comfort when I feel overwhelmed.  She stabilizes me, retrieves items off the floor, opens doors, helps me with the kids and much more.  She was trained specifically for my individual needs by Educated Canines Assisting with Disabilities.
  I look fine, yes, like nothing at all is wrong.  Even my husband forgets sometimes.  Unfortunately, I am unable to.  I have good days.  That is when I try to get out, to take the kids out, to take on as much adventure as possible.  I have bad days.  That is when I use Crane.  I don't have many adaptive devices in my house, nor do I need them at home.  We have handrails on both sides of our stair ways, to help me brace myself when I go up or down.  We have reflective tape down the baseboards so I can make it down the hall at night without ricocheting off the walls.  Other than that, I really get around at home like nothing is wrong, because its familiar.  The more time I spend at a particular place, the more I can function normally there.  At the kids school, I know where all the lights are, which way the doors open.  I know where the cracks and bumps in the pavement are.  Its mainly when I go somewhere new that I am most affected.  I have to survey every step while also trying to look up and around.  I usually have to do this while keeping track of the three kids.  I have to keep aware of the fact  I cannot see anything on my right.  I have to do this while feeling completely overwhelmed... and typically exhausted.

  I began this blog to help people.  To remind people how to be positive in times of "darkness".  May it be others with MS, those who know someone with MS, or maybe some other disease or illness.  I was so taken back by the amount of people that began reading my blog and the amount of people that have contacted me in result of it.  I never imagined how many people it would actually help.  I never imagined how it would help me in relating to those around me.  How it would help others to understand what Im going through without me having to stand there and complain/explain.
  I am always caught off guard when people say they are inspired by the choice I made to be so positive and determined.  I never really saw it, or see it, as a choice.  I suppose its mainly because of my children.  Parents would know this best,  but even anyone that works with children gets a taste of it.  Every time you interact with a child, you sacrifice a part of you.  You put that child first, as you should.  I have three.

They come first, in thought, time, in all aspects of my life.  The same is with marriage.  You put your spouse first (or, you should).  Anything you are passionate  about takes precedence over other things.  My blog could have been My life with MS or My MS Story.  It is not.  It does not have the top slot in my life.  That spot belongs to my children, my family, my amazing husband, MY BEAUTIFUL LIFE....  with m.s.  I don't believe you should let anything  (work, illness, money, outside relationships, hobbies, etc..) take one of those top spots.  Occasionally, MS has to take the top, but it isn't pretty when it does.  Infusion day every 4 weeks is one time it does.  The other is the rare times Im a crying sobbing ball of "why me" and "this sucks", but that I don't let that creep in very often.  If you know me, you already know I take on the world.  Not only is distraction my best friend, so is challenge.  It keeps me aware of all the things I still CAN do, even if differently than before. 
  This dog that I tote around has helped to make our lives more normal and provides security for my future.  I am in constant awe at the ways she helps me and my family.  I am indebted to ECAD and the people there for bringing us together.